MILKSHAKE
by Konata101
Summary: America demonstrates a very special talent of his to Japan and England. UK/Japan/US, HARDCORE YAOI LEMON, and erotic Male Lactation. READ AND REVIEW, OR ELSE.
1. Vanilla and Strawberry

**I. Have. No. Idea. What. I. Was. Thinking.**

**Now, I actually wanted to do something involving male lactation - *IS SHOT* But…I didn't actually want it to end up like…**_**this**_**. **

**I guess I wanted it to be slightly more sexier, and slightly less…crackier. Anyways, hope you enjoy this so-bad-it's-good-but-probably-horrible-fanfic.**

**Just a few** **words o' warning: The pairing – well, threesome – is England/America and Japan/America, there's Male lactation - if that wasn't obvious enough, and this whole fic just consists of random retarded stupidity. **

**And be wary – you might not really care for milkshakes after reading this.**

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It was a bright, beautiful, sunny day full of happiness!

In fact, it was probably a good day for **MILKSHAKE**.

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_(I think the DUN DUN DUN DUUUUUN opening sequence goes here)_

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Japan and England were walking together, because they had some sort of bromance going on, but neither of them actually realized it, despite that warm feeling was buried deep inside their hearts. They were talking about this and that, and that and this.

And then America ran up to them.

"HEY GUYS! DID YOU KNOW I CAN DO SOMETHING REALLY SPECIAL?"

Kiku's eyes widened in amazement. "Really, Alfred-san? What is it?"

The Briton rolled his eyes. "He's good at being obnoxious, that's what…" he grumbly-grumbled. Alfred ignored him because he's cool like that, and then he crept closer to the two.

"I…can…no wait, let's go to somewhere more…_private_…and I'll show you, mmkay?" he suggested, in a purple voice.

So they all took a plane to a McDonalds near you and used the restroom. England was feeling somewhat uneasy. Because they went to McDonalds and America was kinda acting like he wanted to DO IT with them?

"Okay, so now that we're here, lemme show you what I can do!" Alfred squealed. Arthur crept away and Kiku just looked curious.

The American took off the sky-blue "F**K YEAH" shirt he got from Hot Topic, revealing his plump man boobs. England blushed because America's chest GIVES EVERYONE ERECTIONS, EVEN IF YOU'RE A GIRL.

"S-so I found out I could do this…like, last week. And uh, does anyone have a cup or something?" he asked. Japan nodded and handed America a Hatsune Miku mug he pulled from Hammerspace.

Alfred grinned. "Gee thanks. Now, uh, don't get too aroused or something."

Taking his thumb and index finger, America massaged his right breast, moving closer and closer around his hardening nipple **(a/n: AREN'T GUYZ WITH BIG BOOBZ HAWT LOL)**

"Oh my." gasped England. Japan hid behind him because he was getting a stiffy. Alfred let out a moan and squeezed his breast harder. "Haaah…! C-come out already…ngh!"

And then…HE SQUIRTLED A LIQUID INTO THE MIKU MUG.

IT WAS VANILLA **MILKSHAKE**.

Arthur nosebleed all over the bathroom, so much that it looked like ten emos had killed themselves in there, but that's OK cuz they wanted to die.

The Briton took the mug of **MILKSHAKE** and gulped it down. It tasted kinda warm and clumpy but really good and it sorta made him feel horny. Then England grabbed onto the lactating young man and started to SUCK MORE **MILKSHAKE** FROM AMERICA'S NEW YORK.

"MMMMMMMMMMM" CREAMED ARTHUR.

Kiku started to cry because he really wanted to taste Alfred's beautiful organic **MILKSHAKE**, and also because Arthur threw his Hatsune Miku mug on the floor. (but it was an accident)

"You c-can have some **MILKSHAKE** t-too!" America said, in-between groans of pleasure. Japan turned chibi and then unchibi! "ARIGATOU GOZIMASU DESU!" he squealed.

The Asian nation snuggled next to America, squeezed his left moob and started to LICK NEW JERSY. "YOUR MAN-MADE **MILKSHAKE **ARE WONDERFUL!" screamed Japan and England, as America breastfed them like they were CHIBI NATIONS AGAIN OMGZ SO KAWAII! ^_^

But then…ARTHUR WAS CURIOUS.

"Alfred…-_mmn_- is vanilla milkshake the only flavor you -_slrp_- have?" asked England.

America laid down on the bathroom floor, where billions of people probably walked, but it didn't matter, because this was SUCH A BEAUTIFUL MOMENT! "W-well, when I'm really – _ah!_ H-horny, s-sometimes I can squeeze out some strawberry **MILKSHAKE**…!"

"Ooh! I can taste a little bit of ICHIGO!" fanboyed Japan, trying to suckle as much newly-flavored **MILKSHAKE **as he could from America's tit. "Onegai, mommy~!"

Alfred blushed at being called 'mommy'. "H-hey, if ya want more strawberry, ya gotta s-suck a little more! C-c'mon, make mommy more…_ahh_…c-comfortable!"

England smirked while his hand merrily wandered down to America's FLORIDA, WHICH WAS CURRENTLY GROWING MOUTAINS FROM NOWHERE!

"Ooooooooooh!" moaned America. "K-KEEP PLEASING MOMMY! Y-YOU'LL GET YOUR STRAWBERRY **MILKSHAKE** S-SOOOOON!"

Arthur continued to fondle Alfred's FLORIDA, which was growing harder with each touch. "Heh…you're so cute when you're horny…" giggled Arthur. He sucked on Alfred's teat, relishing in the creamy strawberrylicious FA-LAY-VOUR~

"Ahh…! I-I want you both to taaaake meeee…!" mewled America, pleasure running faster than a ALAKAZAM ON CRACK through every single vein in his heavenly body.

So then Japan removed America's pants and England put his NICE BIG BEN in THE GRAND CANYON. AND THEN JAPAN DID THE SAME WITH HIS MT. FUJI.

"OOOOOH." moaned Alfred. "MMMM." groaned Arthur. "URAGH." grunted Kiku. The all had a big naked gay international orgy AND IT WAS VERY SEXY.

And then America cupped his moobs and sprayed CHOCOLATE STRAWBERRY CHEESCAKE **MILKSHAKE **everywhere like in CALIFORNIA GURLS.

Japan and England lapped it all up. "This is yum." they said.

But then…

"HEY, I REALIZED SOMETHING!" chirped America. "WUT!" the two older nations said, kinda dizzy from the humongous **MILKSHAKE **explosion that just happened.

"LET'S GO AROUND THE WORLD AND FEED STARVING CHILDREN MY MAGICAL **MILKSHAKE!**" suggested America. "OK." said England and Japan.

SO THEY WENT TO CALIFORNIA, AND SCARED EVERYONE, BECAUSE MEN SHOULDN'T LACTATE, AND THEY ESPECIALLY SHOULDN'T SQUEEZE OUT **MILKSHAKE. **AND THEY SHOULDN'T DO IT LIKE HOW KATY PERRY DOES.

To be continued…

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**Yes, there's gonna be one more chapter. Hooooraaaay.**

**Uh…review, please. Lemme know if you think I should get psychological help.**


	2. Lemon and Chocolate

**Wow. Uh, thanks for all the reviews. Just another chapter of SEXY CRACKY MILKSHAKEY GOODNESS.**

**And to _mar_…yeah, I think I need to get a life. **

**But if you enjoy the time you wasted…or it's worth spending…it's not wasted or something GAH. Anyhow, onto the warnings.**

**This one's pretty much like the last chapter. Male lactation, hardcore lemon, UK + Japan/US. However, this one's got rape, scat/urination (you read that right), and even more crack.**

**Enjoy.**

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Japan, England, and America were just lounging in their hotel room, which was JUST THE PERFECT SETTING FOR SOME HAWT YAOI ACTION.

Arthur smiled sinisterly at Kiku, and then at Alfred. "Ohhh Kiku~ I'm getting rather hungry…" he sang. The Japanese bishie giggled. "Hai…and also kinda thirsty~"

Then they looked at Alfred with their RAEP FACES ON. The American smiled like Paris Hilton and played with his shirt. "Hmmm~ Vanilla or Strawberry today, boys~?" he asked, cupping his JIGGLYPUFFS.

"BOOOOOOOOOOOOTH!"

And America was tackled onto the bed by Japan and England, AND THEY SUCKED **MILKSHAKE** OUT HIS MAN-TITS AGAIN.

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_(CUT TO THE DUN DUN DUN DUN DUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUN)_

* * *

But little did the sexy buff American with the mind of a shota know (as usual)...

JAPAN AND ENGLAND WERE PLANNING TO DO EVIL THINGS.

It all started on Thursday. It was after a World Meeting, and Kiku and Arthur were feeling MAD. Apparently, Alfred didn't want to privately EROTICALLY breastfeed two guys older than him anymore, and wanted to travel around the world feeding starving children **MILKSHAKE. **It would be a nice, if slightly messed-up yet fangasm-worthy thing to do.

But Japan and England loved America's **MILKSHAKE** more than anything else in the entire world, even more than America. SO THEY WANTED TO DRINK HIS **MILKSHAKE**…WITH FORCE.

So they broke into his hotel room.

"Hi!" said Alfred with a smiley face. But then he noticed Kiku and Arthur were staring at his moobs, so he frowny faced.

"MY EYES ARE UP HERE, YA KNOW." he humphred.

"QUITE RIGHT, BUT YOU WERE ALWAYS ASKING FOR IT!" pointed out Arthur. "Oh yeah…" said Alfred. But while Alfred was not paying attention, KIKU STARTED TO TIE HIM UP. Because all Japanese people are ninjas.

"OH SHIT NOOOOO!" he cried. "WHY THE HELL ARE YOU TIEING ME UP?"

Japan smiled. "It's because you're the alpha dog, woof."

BUT…America wouldn't take that as an answer.

"IS IT BECAUSE I DON'T WANNA SHARE MY **MILKSHAKE** WITH YOU ANYMORE?" he screamed. "Yeah." said Kiku and Arthur. So then Alfred started to BAAAAW. "WHY GUYS! DO YOU REALLY HATE ME THAT MUCH?" cried America.

"Oh, Alfred…we wouldn't do this to you if we _hated_ you…" murmured Arthur, as he started to nibble the taller blonde's ear. "NGH! D-don't…!" groaned Alfred.

"Gomenasai, Alfred-san, but in every single hentai, when the girl – or uke – says yamero…" the Asian nation pulled off his victim's shirt. "They really mean hai."

"WELL I'M NOT SAYING YAMERO OR HAI! I'M SAYING STOP IT, DAMMIT!" America struggled with the ropes tying him to the bed. "S-STOP! NOW!"

England and Japan were rubbing America's NEW YORK AND NEW JERSEY, WHICH WERE VERY HARD AND POINTY. SO THAT MEANT HE WAS LIKING IT.

"Aah! I-I'm being touched in a way or place that makes me feel u-uncomfortable…!"

Kiku smirked and licked Alfred's PHAT MOOBS. "Now, now, Alfred-san…I've been craving fresh ichigo **MILKSHAKE** all day. Besides…" he whispered, as he suckled some more. "Wouldn't it hurt to hold ALL THAT **MILKSHAKE** IN?"

America just groaned. "B-BUT I'M GONNA RUN OUT EVENTUALLY IF YOU FAGS KEEP WANTING TO DRINK MY **MILKSHAKE**! SO LIKE, STOP OR SOMETHING!"

The two older nations didn't pay attention and lapped up the vanilla and strawberry **MILKSHAKE** that was dribbling from Alfred's nipples. "AGGGGH! I-I'M NOT AROUSED, BY THE WAY!"

"ORLY?" said England in a sexy voice. He unzipped America's jeans and pulled down his flag underwear.

"THAT LOOKS QUITE VERY AROUSED TO ME, SLUT!"

Alfred blushed and looked away. "NOES!" he squealed, and he was kinda starting to like being raped.

"YOU KNOW WHAT? I WANT SOME CREAMY LEMON **MILKSHAKE** DIRECTLY IMPORTED FROM YOUR BIG SEXY FUCKING FLORIDA, BITCH-CHAN DESU." cursed Kiku (but he had a headache).

SO JAPAN SUCKED AMERICA'S PENIS. AND THEN AMERICA DECIDED TO GET REVENGE AND PISS LEMON **MILKSHAKE** EVERYWHERE.

"UWAAAH." groaned Alfred. "That was embarrassing. But it felt good." THEN ARTHUR STARTED TO SPANK HIS FORMER COLLEGUE SEXILY.

"Never thought you could make lemon **MILKSHAKE**, git. That was bloody amazing." he said like a British old man, as he licked the lemon **MILKSHAKE** off of Kiku's face. Then they sorta forgot about raping Alfred and made out with each other.

America tried to escape, BUT TO NO AVAIL.

"WAIT A MINUTE." yelled Japan. "NOW…I WANT CHOCOLATE **MILKSHAKE**."

Alfred cried LIKE A HERO as Kiku licked his neck, then his back, then his GRAND CANYON. "OOOOOH…! S-STOP!" he moaned like a pterodactyl in heat. The Asian just smiled and kept licking.

Then England pulled out his NICE BIG BEN, which was SOOOO HARD AND LOOOOONG. Then he INSERTED IT INTO AMERICA'S ASSCRACK. AND THRUSTED!

Japan was a little jealous, so he squeezed his MT. FUJI up and down until it grew a face that looked like a skull and it mooooaned and it grew hands and feet and fox ears and it looked like a furfag and threw up green cumonaise. And then it broke off and ran away. But Japan grew another MT. FUJI, so OKAY.

And then Kiku punched Alfred in the gut while his ass was getting torn apart by Arthur. "BLAH" gagged the American, and more vanilla and strawberry** MILKSHAKE** shot from his breasts.

AND THEN HE SHITTED CHOCOLATE **MILKSHAKE**.

"UNGYAAAAH…!" screamed America, as his face looked like a retarded sloth on ecstasy. "HOORAY!" cheered Japan and England, as they SLURPED UP THE SPEWING DELICIOUS ORGANIC CHOCOLATE **MILKSHAKE**.

"OHHHH LUDWIIIIIIG!" moaned Alfred.

"…lolwut." said Kiku. Alfred blushed and muttered a 'never mind' under his breath. And then he shot out more lemon **MILKSHAKE**.

Meanwhile, Arthur had been collecting ALL THAT **MILKSHAKE** in magical jugs. TO SELL ON EBAY TO STUPID FANGIRLS.

So then America started to cry. "That was…s-so awkward…!" he grunted. But he really liked being raped.

"Oh yeah, and Alfred? Because you orgasmed, you are now pregnant!" taunted England.

America believed England. "OH SHIT NOOOO!" he cried. "BUT CONDOMS GIVE PEOPLE AIDS, SO THAT'S OKAY."

SUDDENLY Alfred fell asleep, his BIG SEXY SWEATY NAKED BODY covered with various flavors of **MILKSHAKE**.

…

AND THEN ARTHUR AND KIKU…

…BAMFED AWAY…

…INTO THE SUNSET.

_THE END._

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**And that's the end of…uh, that. I have NO IDEA what I was thinking when I wrote this, but amazing things can happen when you take a bite of Reese's Puffs.**

**Whatever. Next, I'll be working on something even crackier. Well, probably not as cracky as this, but still cracky.**

**KID SHOWS GONE BAD. Up next.**


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